Singing for his glory!

Ugh, I know I should be in bed right now.. Tomorrow is my early morning.. But, I have been doing homework and thinking a lot since I practiced my music.

Last week when I was in voice lessons, My voice instructor told me she really thinks I have potential and that I have a beautiful voice if I would just sing out and not be shy! My dream since I was little was to be a singer. As I got older, that dream because less and less of a reality. I mean, look at the competition! Everyone wants to sing and be famous. But I really do not want to sing to become famous. I mean, I would like that, because then I could keep doing what I love and be able to support a family as well! I want to sing because that is the time I feel closer to God then ever. I feel God gave me this gift for a reason. I really think God planned this semester out for me. He planned that I would need just one more credit to get my health insurance and be considered full time. Well, not many classes are one credit... Then I saw voice lessons and decided I would try it out. I mean, I want to become a nurse because it would be good money to support a family and I would always be secure in finding a job. Since I was last laid off, that has become a big factor in the decision making of a career. I also want to help people and take care of children. But a part of me keeps saying, what if... What if I kept working with voice lessons and became more confident.. What if I was recognized.. My voice instructor told me I really need to consider going into voice lessons next semester no matter what school I go to. She thinks that I will be really great after a year of voice instruction. Tennessee Tech does have Voice lessons, but I don't know how much they cost or if I will even have time for them. I can't stray away from my decision to go into Nursing because I need to get out asap to get a job that pays decent. I want to be out on my own when I get out of college, I don't want to come back and live with my dad again.

The past month or so, I feel I have started to become a new person. I am praying more, exercising more, trying to watch what I eat, I have lost 8 pounds since January, I got rid of all the dating sites I was on, I no longer talk to Irwin and I am not having the urge to call him or text him any more, I applied to Tennessee Tech and made the decision that if I get accepted, then I am going. I am beginning a new life. I feel going to Tennessee Tech will branch me out. Help me become more outgoing. I can make new friends. I will actually have the college experience I always wanted. Who knows if I will like it or like the dorms.. but I will never know unless I try it. I know I must stay focused and keep my eyes on the prize! I need to start LIVING life! enjoy life! I have felt a relief since I let Irwin go. No more holding me back, no more fighting for someone who would never fight for me, no more back and forth, no more drama! Do I still love him? Yes of course.. I do not know if I will ever stop loving him, But I know I will one day be at peace with us not ever being together again. At this moment I do not think I would ever take him back even if he begged. He hurt me over and over and over. I am done. Weight has lifted off my shoulders!! I have good days and bad days, but mostly good. Except for I can't stop thinking about my Poppa. Worrying about it will not get me anywhere though, so I just pray when I think about it, then let it be in Gods hands.

I have been sick on and off for the past couple of weeks and I am over it! I am tired of not being able to breath. Thanks to Vicks nose spray though, It has been a little easier. Well, since I have been sick, It would be in my best interest to go to bed now!

Good night!